Spinning Lies

alone
she sits surrounded
the webs of her life
tangling around her
drowning
her feeble cries for help

in the dark

no one can see her

again 

she spins her web

schemes

aches for attention

neverending 

draining

his heart aches

he watches as 

she spins her newest web

the silken threads 

glisten 

beckon to him

so beautiful

all he ever wanted

she waits for him 

willing him to listen 

still spinning
lies
 

Irate

So the person that I referred to in a previous post as crying wolf got to me again. totally my fault. I had blocked her in facebook and stopped having any contact with her 3 months ago, but unblocked her about a month ago. I guess I was hoping for an opportunity to have some sort of dialogue although honestly I knew it was pointless.

Well, I get a letter today, on facebook from her. It is a very nice letter but filled with denial and devoid of any honesty. I go back and forth for 5 hours in my head, do i write it, dont I...Finally, I write her back and remind her why we hadnt spoken (since she said she didnt know) and explained to her how I felt. It was not a touchy feely letter but I did leave it open...

I tell my hubby when he gets home, that this person wrote me and he knew all about it. And then wanted to read my response. Seriously? You dont wanna read what she wrote? So I read him both letters and I could see it in his eyes that he was bothered by what I wrote. I reminded him that I didnt write it for him, I wrote it for me. Well, the response I got back from her was angry and accusatory. I was pissed and still am. Told her off and not to contact me again. People who know me know what that means. It means dont. Ever.

Feeling pretty shitty right now. And pissed at my husband.

Blah

So I forgot to post entirely yesterday...

St Pattys Day

Well here we are. Green Beer Day. I had none, thankfully. I had one horrible cheap beer at my sis in law's and we chose to not go to the bar that was serving $1.50 shots and draft beers. We had no corned beef or cabbage.

I wrote nothing today. I had one of those days where you wake up and NOTHING goes right. I don't feel inspired or even creative enough to put something on paper.

Another day...

It was just another day in the neighborhood. The only thing I wrote today was a bit of an assignment from another class. I am bouncing around phrases for the poem I posted about yesterday. If I cut through my anger at this person and situation, I see that there is pain too. I am hurt AND angry and I know the two walk hand in hand. It just hit me more close to home.

alone
she sits surrounded
the webs of her life
tangling around her
drowning out her feeble cries for help

Just kinda freewriting at this point. Ill try more tomorrow.

Here I am. Again.

Well, I'm back. 

This time, because of my Creative Writing class. I seem to be struggling so much more, this semester, and I don't know why. It's not like I don't have drama to inspire me, apparently I may have too much of it.

I actually just thought of an idea for a poem of sorts. I have someone that I know who lies. All the time. About anything. Most recently, this person says they went to doctors office and doc said they had a mini stroke, then sent them home. I don't think so. I think I want to title the poem: All Alone Crying Wolf.

Goodbye yesterday

So, I was reading an article today about all of the things that 2011 born kids will not have to deal with. It made me kind of sad. Kids born this year will likely not know what joy it is to receive a  hand written letter from someone far away. They won't even be leaving notes for their parents, as they will have a smartphone that allows them to skype from anywhere. The letters from their lover will be in their phone or email, never to become wrinkled and dog-eared with years of re-reading. Print books will actually become collectible just because they are printed on paper. Girls won't know what it feels like to have the guy they're crushing on offer to carry their stuff home. These kids won't know what it is to search an encyclopedia, write a freakin check, make change from a $20 without a calculator (which is on their phone of course), and maps! People today can't even read a GD map. Every road trip we take, we see car after car, after minivan, after SUV with those damn Garmins, or Tom Toms or whatever the hell. You should have seen the looks we got on our 5300 mile road trip, where I would be feverishly searching the atlas of maps, looking for our road. People looked at me like I had grown a third eyeball but I love maps. I love the idea that I can find my way around, no matter what, with the right piece of paper.

Isn't that something an old person would say?

Bucket List

My Bucket List

___ Get on an airplane again

___ Go to Ireland

___ Go to Mexico**MARCH 2012 AND SEPT 2012

___ See Mayan Ruins **SEPT 2012

___ Go river rafting

___ Get my B.A.

___ Get my M.A.

___ Build my own home in Elko

___ Go to Italy, Spain,

___Go on a cruise** MARCH 2012 AND SEPT 2012

___ Go to Sturgis

___ Bike ride to the ocean

___ Buy Chad an Impala

___ Go horseback riding on the beach

___ Own a Corvette, Stingray body style

___ Zipline

___ Swim with Dolphins** MARCH 2012

___ Go to Jamaica, Half Moon Cay, Grand Caymans, Bermuda, Bahamas

___ Go to New Orleans** SEPT 2012
___ Write a novel
___Learn to ride a motorcyle solo
___
___
__




to be cont'd...

Seriously?

Well, looking at how long it has been since I have posted here, I can say that my blogging experiment has failed. After seeing a family member's resolution to blog daily, I decided to come back to my blog and see what I can do. First, I had to remember where I started the damn thing...I got lucky on the first try.

Going back to the cooking thing. I just don't seem to care that much anymore. I still feel this disconnect that has no rhyme or reason and I can't seem to shake it. I have tried everything. I give thanks and I am truly thankful. There is no apathy in my gratitude-thankfully. But the thanks only comes from the knowledge that others have it worse than I. Much worse. The thing I am most connected to is my husband. Without him, I would honestly be lost.

I don't know about you, but I am sooo glad that the holidays are over!  Don't get me wrong, I love seeing the kids and everyone getting along for the day and I like last minute shopping and baking cookies. I HATE having three Turkey Days and three or four Christmases. I long for the days when families actually cleared their entire schedules and made the effort for EVERYONE to get together. We spend more time each year, in the car, than we do at the actual family member's house that we drove to. Seriously? And I hate being broke because of the gifts and the gas and blah blah blah. Then comes New Years, when all your friends go out and get hammered and wear fucked up looking hats, blowing into kazoos. And the old married folk stay home and think about all of the "fun" they are missing out on.

Then I check my Facebook and see all of the hangover posts. And I smile.